Heart School: From Shadows to Inner Union
“I’m so sorry.
You've become too heavy,
Will you walk beside me?”
- said the Shadow
I had just finished studying eight years of university. And a few weeks before graduating a clash arose with an academic who said “I want you to write me a letter on respect”. I didn’t. He reported it to the Clinic-Head who said “Write this letter or you will not graduate”. I didn’t. It escalated to the Dean of Health Science. I said: “I’m sorry, I’m not writing this letter so have made plans to move to Melbourne, to repeat my degree over there”.
In good will, we managed to mediate.
Resistance to authority is something which has followed me through my whole life. From leaving career-making jobs over mild clashes in values, all the way to ridiculous public debacles with Mexican Dr's & Neo-Sexuality teachers…This all seems quite strange if you know me, I'm quite a mild-mannered person…very "zen", vanilla & meek even. Over the years, I'd found myself being drawn to train in anything related to the 'unconscious'...you name it: Yoga, Meditation, Shamanic Sound Healings, Lucid Dreaming…it was all moving towards a lead role in a Kundalini-Tantra group. This suited me very well, as there was no authority figures to resist…but guess what started happening??! I manifested clashes with the students, clashes with staff, clashes with my business partner, clashes with other Kundalini & Tantra teachers? WTF?
You see, for me, it was all about this "hero's journey" business of initiating and owning my "darker-side". It was lying dormant, leaking out sideways, sabotaging my life. And ultimately dis-empowering self-love from its entirety - and keeping Sacred Union fugitive.
So how do you "own the Dark"? Let's begin with some science:
The unconscious of every living cell only asks two questions – 1. How can I survive? And 2. How can I procreate?
In bogan language this is basically how can I Fight & F*ck?
These two questions underpin a Freudian sexual-development stage where a boy starts to compete with his Father for his Mother’s affection (called the “Oedipus” in men; or “Electra” in women).
If resistance to the same-sex parent (survival) and attachment to the opposite-sex parent (procreation) is exaggerated (e.g. through circumstance or trauma) a developmental-complex forms to play-out later in life.
You see, both survival & procreation are closely related to four stress-responses. The two masculine stress responses are ‘fight’ (if the enemy is bigger) or ‘flight’ (if the enemy is smaller). The two feminine stress responses are ‘freeze’ (if the enemy is not seducible) or ‘tend & befriend’ (if the enemy is seducible).
We all have a combination of these stress responses inside us.
Heart School theory suggests these fear-responses to be STRONG UNCONSCIOUS ATTRACTORS for intimate-relationships e.g. anything involving sex and/or money (the dark). And nature's sense of humour orchestrates it so we are made to reflect each-others shadows.
For instance, a man locked in an unconscious ‘fight’ response will attract a woman locked in an unconscious ‘freeze’ response e.g. a Dom-Sub / Predator-Prey type relationship playing out in the bedroom or workplace, where 'he "owns" her', so to speak.
Another example in a man locked in an unconscious ‘flight’ response attracting a woman locked in an unconscious ‘tend & befriend’ response e.g. a Shiva & Kali type relationship playing out in the bedroom or workplace where 'she "owns" him', so to speak – hetero examples used above for ease.
So how can we work with these unconsious shadows to empower us?
Let’s now go straight into a real-life example from the Heart School syllabus:
Lindsey keeps attracting provocative men who trigger her in relationship and work. Very similar to how a fearful kid in the school playground somehow seems to always attract a school bully.
I tie Lindsey to a dining chair & blind-fold her. The experience has now become erotic (for her). She is highly sensitised to provocation, so her feminine-physiology is reflexively moving into a ‘tend & befriend’ response. In other words, her primal-self is attempting to keep her safe from an alpha-male through gifting sexuality.
With the crack of a bull-whip her neck arches back in a cathartic manner.
I run a feather down her breast line. And thigh line. Re-activating her ‘tend & befriend’ response. This melts the protecting muscles. She licks some beads of sweat from her lips as we begin a game, between the feather and the whip, back and forth…back and forth…convulsing her spine open & closed - conducting a dance beyond her mind’s control.
From here, we have three forms of magic to play with: Black, Red & White
1. Black-Magic (Black Rose)
She is vulnerable and I am powerful, so we have essentially configured a Father–Daughter dynamic, where there is a hyper-polarity of sexual-tension between the masculine and feminine (this is one of the rarely recorded ancient temple secrets - in my interpretation of the texts).
We could merge into an electric consummation here, which she is pining for, leveraging her Electra Complex for maximal pleasure. Though doing this would embed her fear-response even deeper into her psyche. Black Magic is defined as - owning one’s desire at the expense of another.
2. Outer-Union (Red Rose)
As equals or Beloveds, we could consciously work "this", for deeper union. It would actually be very necessary if we were serious about our Sacred Union. As the shadows we harbour as unconscious attractors, are the same blockages we have to move thorough to fully & consciously choose each other. The main risk of playing in this space is of creating deeper inner-child attachment to each-other. This would need to be processed outside the bedroom, through re-parenting of one another - which has its limits.
3. Inner-Union (White Rose)
I pull off the blind-fold and hold her safety with presence. Interrupting the eye-gazing with some staccato like gestures, such as pulling her hair gently…until the threshold of her fear response begins to dissolve. Initiating her somewhat from the chains of the complex. The end-game here is awakening her "Dark Goddess" (from an attached little girl) to meet the Dark Masculine - as an equal. We've heard so much about Mummy & Daddy wounds - This model is an exquisite way to meet them beyond the mind and beyond narrative.
Initiations from the Shadow Self as a rite into Sacred Union is what Heart School is all about. It's a form of inner-marrige between the light and the dark